10 things that “Grind my gears”- Part 4 (Sex edition)

9 Jan

Some might agree or disagree with me but either way I don’t give a S*!*, Enjoy:

10. Bad kissers. I’m sure there is a way for some of you guys (ladies) that can learn how to be a better kisser. Why must all your saliva be on your chin and on my face. If you can’t kiss right I am already turned off.

9. Why do some people feel it’s ok to stick their tongue directly in your ear, that’s just nasty.

8. Guys that are too eager to get you in bed. Like can I have a cold heineken and possibly an episode of Big Bang Theory before we do the do. (No)

7. Shy men. Like why are you so scared to touch ladies down there. Granted there are some women with a whole pot of roast beef (and then I understand I wouldn’t touch it either) but man up. What happen mommy didn’t breast feed you enough, or you just might want to play for the other team. Learn how to be talented with your fingers, it will get you far…. Don’t worry Bermuda don’t bite.

6. Men that only know one position…BACK SHOTS! (lol thanks J)

5. Guys that talk to much during sex and ask you 100 times if you like it and if it’s hurting. Like really dude get over yourself, as a matter of fact get off me. UGGHH

4. When they grunt like a Wildebeest and sweat profusely and its only been 5 minutes.

3. When guys buy magnum condoms knowing damn well it’s going to be baggy on your little man. But I also hate when they have NYC condoms. Unless your planning to be a daddy, stop being cheap and buy the good kind.

2. Men that think all females are porn stars. What you see on porns is not real life. Sorry buddy I don’t get paid to throw my legs behind my head and have a banana do strange things to me while you watch.

1. A 1 minute man. Ok I get some guys haven’t had some in a while or you got overly excited. But jeez try to have more self control and rub one out if you know your going to get some. At least try to redeem yourself after your shortcomings.

~*~ Sexy Star Lopez ~*~ (And they said I’m picky)

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4 Responses to “10 things that “Grind my gears”- Part 4 (Sex edition)”

  1. TLS January 9, 2012 at 15:42 #

    Haha! Some of these remind me of my ex.. Eughh.
    Funny post! ^_^

  2. Laura Davies January 9, 2012 at 16:24 #

    It’s by far much better to be picky than dissapointed!

  3. Moana Michaels January 9, 2012 at 20:37 #

    10 Excellent points!!! However, I have recently realized I *do* fuck like a porn star! (#2) lol I was told it, but then I saw stuff I did in a porno I was watching! I was like “holy shit, that’s what I do!”

    Ahhh the 1 Minute Wonders … I can really pass on those as well. >>sigh<< I gotta get something outta of the sex, otherwise, eh … I don't want to do it, ya know!

    As for the Magnums … lmao … I mean, what're you supposed to say to the guy at that moment? "Uh, dude, … no. Step away from the Magnum and pick up the Trojan." I knew, yes in the biblical sense, a guy who's penis was strangulating from a regular condom! Poor thing turned purple at the condom that wasn't even close to his ball sack! Awww … So I went to the store the next day on my way home for work and I asked the storeclerk for BIG condoms. The female store clerk came over because she overheard about my predicament. The male store clerk reached under the counter and slapped down a kitchen garbage bag. "Will this do?" he asked. I burst out laughing as did anyone in earshot. He gave me the garbage bag for free with my box of Magnums.

    Keep it comin' UMIGHTGETOFFENDED! I love when your creative juices flow ….

    xo Moana

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