Archive | June, 2016

My therapy…

13 Jun

It’s been a long time since I wrote on here; I forgot how writing can be my form of therapy. The last time I wrote I was supposedly in a wonderful relationship and doing great things. Well since then so much has changed. I’m about to give a summary of what happen in the past 3 years and hopefully my story will help someone that is going through a similar situation.

So August of 2013 I found out I was pregnant which was insane because I thought I can never get pregnant and for sure didn’t have any desire to have kids. But once I found out I was pregnant I was actually really happy and excited. I did every thing by the book, stop smoking, took my prenatal vitamins, ate healthy, went to all my doctors appointments, etc. But at 11 weeks I started to experience heavy bleeding and thought at that point I lost the baby. To my surprise my baby was still there and had a healthy strong heart beat, the doctor said my condition was uncommon but I was still able to carry. I carried all the way until 16 weeks and I went into labor. I won’t go into details but that was by far the most traumatic experience I’ve ever been through. To sit in the back of an ambulance by yourself giving birth and no on there to hold your hand and no one to explain what is happening at that moment.  At one point I’ve completely given up and was ready to just go, what was the point? It took me a few months to get back to “normal” and get into my routine.

A year and half later I broke up with someone that I thought I would marry but thinking back now I’m glad that never happened. After our breakup I started to experience really bad panic attacks to the point I couldn’t even go to work. Then it started to get to the point I couldn’t even leave my own house without feeling like I was about to get an attack. I avoided public transportation, highways, elevators, department stores, etc… I became a prisoner in my own home and head. I sunk into a depression because  I was always out and about and I couldn’t even do simple daily tasks. I started doing research, joined a support group, and eventually started going to therapy. I was diagnose with general anxiety, panic disorder, and agoraphobia.. great I sound like a textbook case. One thing I can say is I really recommend therapy even if you think you don’t have anything wrong with you. I didn’t realize I was holding onto things in the past that I thought I let go. I never fully mourn my baby passing because I went to work 2 weeks after that happen and didn’t want to talk to anyone about it. I think my breakup with my ex was the tip of the iceberg. I was embarrassed that I actually let someone get me down the way they did and I was is in denial about it all.

With many months of therapy I’m finally back to doing things that I love to do. I won’t say I am back to the old Chrissy because this is the new, better version of myself. I’m not embarrassed anymore to show emotions or talk about my struggles. I’m definitely not where I want to be but for the first time I feel hopeful about the future.  Anywho enough of this sappy shit, I’ll get back to Umightgetoffended soon enough lol….