This is hard….

27 Feb

So most people who know me know that I am a smoker; I’ve been smoking for almost 7 years. I had my first cigarette at 19 years old because I hated life at that moment and decided it was better than smoking crack.  So ever since then I found pleasure in sucking the cancer sticks and enjoying it most after I ate, drank, or after  xrated activities. Funny thing is when I started smoking I was dating someone who didn’t and was too nervous to tell him I picked up this nasty habit because I knew how he felt about cigarettes. I would do everything I could to hide the smell and keep it away from him but I knew he had an idea I smoked, he just never said anything. Good thing was whenever I was around him I never had the urge to smoke unless we had an argument, which then I would pretend to go to the store or take a walk to enjoy my cancer stick. After we broke up we remained friends and I still found myself hiding my habit from him until today. I decided to tell him that I smoke since I’m trying to quit again (for the 50th time). He always been a great person to give me advise and encouragement when I had a problem so I figure he can help me with this one.  Quitting is by far the hardest thing to do especially since most of my friends smoke, a lot of my co workers smoke, even my mom smokes . I decided to try to go cold turkey and I’m not sure if this is the smartest way but I want to challenge myself mentally. Hopefully no one bothers me today because I’m on edge already and it’s only been 14 hours since my last cigarette. Sweet baby Jesus this is hard…..


Drunken love

15 Feb



Is being a drama queen/heterosexual man the lastest rage? (the saga continues)

15 Feb

So I wrote this about 2 years ago and it still seems to apply….. I think I’m going to start playing for the other team because this is getting out of control. Enjoy…

Ok it is 2010 and there are to many heterosexual men acting like drama queens. It’s worst than Diana Ross and Rupaul fighting over who will direct Alexander McQueen documentary movie (to soon?). When a woman has to sit through 2 grueling hours listening to her man go through an emotional break down and explaining to her that his mother didn’t breast feed him as a baby and this is why all his past relationships didn’t work, that is a problem. Men love to call us females drama queens or crazy, when truth be told they are exactly like us. You are the company you keep and men must realize your female companion is a reflection of yourself. So if you chose to settle down finally with a chick, really pay attention to who you are dealing with. Don’t get me wrong I know there are a lot of crazy bitches out there, me being one of them sometimes (cellphone in the water) but I truly believe men love to bitch just as much. I have a lot of male friends and I would say 90% of them bitch more than my females friends (sorry I still love you guys). I’m all for deep intellectual conversations or really knowing a person, but when they start with the “my life sucks”, “I hate my chick or jumpoff”, “she breathes to loud during the movie”, or whatever, it gets a little annoying. I think I am going to start a men’s retreat so they can work on being less of a drama queen.


Same mistakes

15 Feb




8 Feb


I see me in this drawing (drew this a few years back)

I think I can, I think I can

6 Feb


So during the last few weeks I’ve been in this weird, funky space. One of those moods that you try to attempt a smile but it just looks awkward like Wednesday from the Adams family trying to smile. Mainly my stress has been over finances and how I’m going to pay this bill and that bill. Now I’m trying to figure out how I’m going to pay for school since I only got approved a certain amount from federal loans. It sucks because you try to better yourself but there is always some obstacle in the way of you obtaining your goal. I read an article on the huffingtonpost website a few months back about a gay student that was going to NYU and had to turn tricks just to pay for tuition. If he didn’t come up with $8000 for his next semester he was at risk of expulsion.

So I guess my option is to find a sugar daddy (I kid I kid) because I might be in the same boat as him. Tuition goes up every year, cost of living is up and my pay has stayed the same for the last 4 years. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry but I keep telling myself to look at the bright side >blank stare< and when I find it I will let ya know. At the end of the day I know I will be ok because I always been strong and able to hold myself together. But at this moment I’m just looking for support from certain people and really focusing on getting an A in my first online class (wish me luck). Hopefully I don’ t have to turn tricks… Till next time

Ohh Shout Out to the NY Giants for winning the Super Bowl… New York stand up!!!


22 Jan

So while everyone is home or out watching football (which I don’t care for too much) I’m stuck at work taking annoying phone calls. Even though I don’t watch football I still want to enjoy buffalo wings, potato skins, and a couple of brewskies. Working Sundays really blows especially when you have a lot on your mind. But I thank the big man upstairs for Netflixs to get me through this grueling day (and of course WordPress). This weekend was disappointing but nonetheless its a new start to the week, and I am grateful to see another day. Also I start online classes soon which I’m exciting about and hopefully that will get me out the rut I’ve been in. Anywho pervs I need help with the next few topics because I’ve seem to run out of ideas at the moment…. I need more inspiration in my life. So give me your suggestions people….

Till next time