Tag Archives: comedy

Awkward Spanish Girl

25 Jun

 

I recently started watching a mini series on YouTube called The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl by Issa Rae and it is extremely funny. I see myself in her (even though I am not black) and I can relate to her in so many ways. It is definitely a must see and you can check out her other web series on Issarae.com. Watching the web series inspired me to write some of my awkward moments and I wanted to share with the rest of you. And after I write this I’m going to feel more awkward…Great!

  • Awkward moment when I am on the phone with a client and they put me on hold and I happen to like the hold music and start to sing along and the person comes back on the phone and stops me in the middle of a high note. This happened to me the other day and the hold music was Mariah Carey “we belong together”.
  • Awkward moment when your standing outside (either at work or your house) and you see someone who talks to much. I usually pretend to get an upsetting phone call or text so I can walk away.

 

  • Awkward moment when you’re looking at a dirty text or picture and someone walks behind you and you try to lock your phone hoping they didn’t see. (thank you BM for my privacy screen protector).
  • Awkward moment when a guy you don’t like keeps flirting with you and sending you IM’s asking when you’re going to let him take you out. I usually send a “lol” or say I am busy. (apparently that doesn’t work because they still do it).
  • Awkward moment when you’re texting an ex of yours and having a normal convo and they send you a text saying they love you. I usually just send a “awww”, “lol”, “smiley face”, or completely ignore it. I’m still trying to figure out which one is worst.
  • Awkward moment when your picking a wedgie and you see there is someone there…I’ll just pretend I’m wiping something off the back of my pants.
  • Awkward moment when someone ask me or notice my last name and automatically assume I speak spanish. Then I got to stop them mid-sentence and say “yo no hablo”. Then they proceed to say why you don’t speak spanish and I have to go into a whole spiel about my parents not teaching spanish at an earlier age…blah, blah, blah. Then I walk away feeling like a disgrace to my race and wanting to buy rosetta stone.
  • Awkward moment (part 2 of above moment) is when people say “I know your spanish but you don’t act like it”. Like really?! what do spanish people act like (ok I know what we act like and that’s for another post). But then I ask “what race do I act like?” and they usually say black or a mixture of different ones…. WTF!
  • And last but not least… Awkward moment when you realize that that person is just not into you…Whomp Whomp

 

(The awkward, chubby me a few years back…and no, those are just my play glasses)

Is being a drama queen/heterosexual man the lastest rage? (the saga continues)

15 Feb

So I wrote this about 2 years ago and it still seems to apply….. I think I’m going to start playing for the other team because this is getting out of control. Enjoy…

Ok it is 2010 and there are to many heterosexual men acting like drama queens. It’s worst than Diana Ross and Rupaul fighting over who will direct Alexander McQueen documentary movie (to soon?). When a woman has to sit through 2 grueling hours listening to her man go through an emotional break down and explaining to her that his mother didn’t breast feed him as a baby and this is why all his past relationships didn’t work, that is a problem. Men love to call us females drama queens or crazy, when truth be told they are exactly like us. You are the company you keep and men must realize your female companion is a reflection of yourself. So if you chose to settle down finally with a chick, really pay attention to who you are dealing with. Don’t get me wrong I know there are a lot of crazy bitches out there, me being one of them sometimes (cellphone in the water) but I truly believe men love to bitch just as much. I have a lot of male friends and I would say 90% of them bitch more than my females friends (sorry I still love you guys). I’m all for deep intellectual conversations or really knowing a person, but when they start with the “my life sucks”, “I hate my chick or jumpoff”, “she breathes to loud during the movie”, or whatever, it gets a little annoying. I think I am going to start a men’s retreat so they can work on being less of a drama queen.

Wayne Brady, Mike Tyson, & Bobby Brown…..Hilarious

1 Oct

….Why was I born with a Vagina?

23 Jul

Don’t get me wrong ppl. I love my Vagina, I treat it well and for the most part it hasn’t let me down yet (except for that cheap Brazilian wax….the HORROR) BUT I find myself zoning out and staring @ women. Seriously, if I am not passed out on the train on my way to work I am looking @ chicks and thinking I would tear that ass up daily.. and then move on to the next..I would of been a man whore…that is IF I had a penis. No I am not a lesbian, I love men..but I enjoy women once in a while  ..I’m just curious to what it feels like to have the almighty cock. Guys go nuts for some head, I want to know what the big deal is about.. does it feel as good as when my twat gets tickled? Then again do I really want to deal with unpredictable boners @ the wrong time? Anyway gotta go, this was just a random thought…

Jamie

…Just when you think you got it bad, someone is allergic to shell-fish.

22 Jul

So you’re probably wondering why I named my entry that…the truth is I have no idea…ok no actually I do. I like to eat A LOT! I’m like one tootsie roll away from being unable to move from my bed and having to be removed from my apt with a fork lift. The food network is my PORN..Ok, I am lying about that too, but its pretty funny to read that $hit in the news…I mean seriously.. WHY are you that huge?..but anyway I like shell-fish and the thought of not being able to eat a $hit load of shrimp @ any given time just scares the crap out of me. So just when you think you got it bad…someone cant enjoy shrimp cocktail..ok that was really fat, but that’s what I do.

Ok, enough of the BS my FBPR (one day I might entertain you as to why she is named FBPR) Christina started a blog out of pure boredom…and mostly because our lives are a joke.. a big flippin joke. Daily the MAN above needs a laugh.. I mean who doesn’t? We’ve destroyed our environment, the world is going to end in 2012, and we’re probably going to have a republican as our next president AGAIN…so why wouldn’t the big dude in the sky not need a laugh? And that’s where Chrissy and I come in, we are the “Kings Jokers”.

So I will randomly post the bs that is my life. BTW I’m not sorry if you get offended, you decided to read our blog even though the name says it all. Feel free to comment all you want…

Jamie….