Tag Archives: humor

Awkward Spanish Girl

25 Jun

 

I recently started watching a mini series on YouTube called The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl by Issa Rae and it is extremely funny. I see myself in her (even though I am not black) and I can relate to her in so many ways. It is definitely a must see and you can check out her other web series on Issarae.com. Watching the web series inspired me to write some of my awkward moments and I wanted to share with the rest of you. And after I write this I’m going to feel more awkward…Great!

  • Awkward moment when I am on the phone with a client and they put me on hold and I happen to like the hold music and start to sing along and the person comes back on the phone and stops me in the middle of a high note. This happened to me the other day and the hold music was Mariah Carey “we belong together”.
  • Awkward moment when your standing outside (either at work or your house) and you see someone who talks to much. I usually pretend to get an upsetting phone call or text so I can walk away.

 

  • Awkward moment when you’re looking at a dirty text or picture and someone walks behind you and you try to lock your phone hoping they didn’t see. (thank you BM for my privacy screen protector).
  • Awkward moment when a guy you don’t like keeps flirting with you and sending you IM’s asking when you’re going to let him take you out. I usually send a “lol” or say I am busy. (apparently that doesn’t work because they still do it).
  • Awkward moment when you’re texting an ex of yours and having a normal convo and they send you a text saying they love you. I usually just send a “awww”, “lol”, “smiley face”, or completely ignore it. I’m still trying to figure out which one is worst.
  • Awkward moment when your picking a wedgie and you see there is someone there…I’ll just pretend I’m wiping something off the back of my pants.
  • Awkward moment when someone ask me or notice my last name and automatically assume I speak spanish. Then I got to stop them mid-sentence and say “yo no hablo”. Then they proceed to say why you don’t speak spanish and I have to go into a whole spiel about my parents not teaching spanish at an earlier age…blah, blah, blah. Then I walk away feeling like a disgrace to my race and wanting to buy rosetta stone.
  • Awkward moment (part 2 of above moment) is when people say “I know your spanish but you don’t act like it”. Like really?! what do spanish people act like (ok I know what we act like and that’s for another post). But then I ask “what race do I act like?” and they usually say black or a mixture of different ones…. WTF!
  • And last but not least… Awkward moment when you realize that that person is just not into you…Whomp Whomp

 

(The awkward, chubby me a few years back…and no, those are just my play glasses)

Is being a drama queen/heterosexual man the lastest rage? (the saga continues)

15 Feb

So I wrote this about 2 years ago and it still seems to apply….. I think I’m going to start playing for the other team because this is getting out of control. Enjoy…

Ok it is 2010 and there are to many heterosexual men acting like drama queens. It’s worst than Diana Ross and Rupaul fighting over who will direct Alexander McQueen documentary movie (to soon?). When a woman has to sit through 2 grueling hours listening to her man go through an emotional break down and explaining to her that his mother didn’t breast feed him as a baby and this is why all his past relationships didn’t work, that is a problem. Men love to call us females drama queens or crazy, when truth be told they are exactly like us. You are the company you keep and men must realize your female companion is a reflection of yourself. So if you chose to settle down finally with a chick, really pay attention to who you are dealing with. Don’t get me wrong I know there are a lot of crazy bitches out there, me being one of them sometimes (cellphone in the water) but I truly believe men love to bitch just as much. I have a lot of male friends and I would say 90% of them bitch more than my females friends (sorry I still love you guys). I’m all for deep intellectual conversations or really knowing a person, but when they start with the “my life sucks”, “I hate my chick or jumpoff”, “she breathes to loud during the movie”, or whatever, it gets a little annoying. I think I am going to start a men’s retreat so they can work on being less of a drama queen.

Does size matter? Survey says….

8 Jan

Got your attention? Good. So I wanted to write about this topic for while but was a little reserved at first but then again you might get offended. So after many discussions with my friends (male and female) and doing some testing myself >wink<, I don’t think size matters. I might get a lot of slack for this from my females friends, especially with this rumor going around that I only date black guys (lol). But I think a guy with a 5 inch penis can work it as long as he knows how to move and hit the right spot. Now I do prefer a larger penis but if I happen to fall in love with a 5 incher I’ll be ok. Now a guy with a larger member is awesome but some of them sure don’t know how to move it. They hit everything but your G spot and afterwards leaving you with cramps worst then your period and you having to pop a Midol. Now guys if your not sure what your doing then watch basic porn and if the chick is cool enough ask her how she would like it (now don’t forget some chicks are lames). I do feel bad for guys because there is a lot of pressure on them and if they can please their partner right. But then again some guys don’t give a crap and they just make sure they nut and keep it moving. I’ve been lucky enough to be able to call on the “O” gods from time to time and have great penis afterwards. But to the females that haven’t had that pleasure, don’t be afraid to tell the guy how you like it. Don’t automatically assume that he should know because everyone is different. If you find yourself with a guy you just started seeing and about to do the do and you realize he has a penis smaller then what you wanted just give it a try, you might like it. But now if he has a baby penis (3 inches or smaller) then I have no comment on that. I think good sex is very important and if more people had it they wouldn’t have time to complain or be miserable. So to everyone make sure to have a enjoyable, happy, safe sex life. On that note ladies remember to pray to the “O” gods…..

Brooklyn minute

17 Jan

So I wake up this morning feeling so sick and I hardly got any sleep. But I walked out my building and started to feel a little better. Seeing people walking around smoking a cigarette while trying to get their exercise on. You see the guys walking their pitbulls, treating their dogs better then their girlfriends. You see people cursing out the bus drivers for taking too long, forgetting the fact that today is a holiday. I go into to the store to get a cup of coffee and you see the alcoholic or crackhead trying to get credit from the bodega guy while La Mega or bollywood greatest hits is playing in the background. Awww yes gotta love brooklyn for what it is….

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

Truth is everyone uses each other……

4 Oct
So I had a random thought while I was riding the train this morning and listening to Jazmine Sullivan lions, tigers, and bears, and came to the conclusion that everyone uses each other. From the most minor things as getting a cup of coffee for someone or getting the mail, to big things like co signing for a car or borrowing a large amount of money. But I think everyone reading this can agree with me that at one point in their life they used someone just for the companionship. We string someone along, someone who we don’t even like that much just so we can have someone around. Some do it for the sex (most), or some just don’t want to be lonely. But at least one point in our lives the tables had turn on us and we fall victim to being the rebound or the jump off. Sometimes we take being used from that person we really liked or loved, just to be close to them. Eventually most wake up and realize that hello that person doesn’t want you anymore or your just a toy to them. Some of us move on and some stick around because they don’t want to be alone. I for one rather be alone then stick around knowing I’m being used. Before I use to stick around because I was afraid I will never meet anyone and I will be alone forever (I sort of think like that still) but I’m much more stronger. I do slip up from time to time and call up the ex and say hey you wanna come over in the morning (we all got needs). But at the end of the day you can’t lose focus and you got to realize things between you and that person will never be the same, it can either get better or worst, up to the 2 people. Either way we use people for sex, money, companionship, business, etc. We just got to remember our limits and try not to hurt that person feelings (which happens anyways). So my advise to everyone is watch porn and play with yourself. Do this until you can find someone who is on the same page as you. Remember to lubricate…..

  

  

   

Chrissy Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.  

Wayne Brady, Mike Tyson, & Bobby Brown…..Hilarious

1 Oct

Kanye West and Lil Wayne get paid millions to look like douchebags, what’s your excuse???

27 Sep

 

 

Ok so the title explains it all.   I usually get on the ladies for all of their fashion no-no’s but I need to touch basis on the styles that some guys think is “fashionable”. I thought the skinny jeans trend was just going to last 2 years top but it’s been going on for way too long now. I guess the threat of potentially not having kids because the jeans are cutting off blood circulation to your scrotum has no effect. Not only do some guys wear skinny jeans, they have the audacity to wear it below their ass. Not to many words can describe how ridiculous they look.  

A few things that I hate on a guy:

  • V necks
  • Skinny jeans
  • Over size belt buckles
  • Any name brand scarfs (example below)

  • Fake jewelry
  • Bright pink and purple anything
  • Boat shoes
  • Wearing shoes with no socks
  • Oversize jeans
  • Cartoon character underwear (like sponge bob or spider man, unless someone bought them for you and its laundry day)
  • Guys that get perms (unless your Snoop)
  • Oversize baseball hats
  • Guys who wear jersey’s everyday of the week
  • Fitted t-shirts on a big belly man
  • Colorful sneakers

I can’t think of anything else I can’t stand on a guy but I’m sure later on I’ll come up with more. One thing a guy can’t go wrong with is a good tailor suit.

 

Finess all around, Damn!

 

~*~ Chrissy~*~